Calming the Anxiety Monster
Have you ever felt a tightness in your chest and/or shoulders? Have you asked yourself, "But what if this bad thing happens…?" All of those are normal and are called anxiety. Anxiety in itself is not a bad thing! Anxiety is the little friend on our shoulder that says, "What if, what if, what if?" The little friend gets us up in the morning to go to work because if we are late, there could be consequences. It's the little friend that can deter us from making some not-so-great choices.
However, like anything, too much anxiety (or the little friend getting too big!) can be a bad thing! It can feel like it's consuming us, screaming at us," What if they don't like me anymore? What if I fail? What if I am as bad as I fear?" When anxiety is too big, it can cause us to make rash decisions (fight) or just run away from the decision-making (flight) or feel like we can't make decisions (freeze) or go with what another person is saying to pacify them or because we think they are better than us (fawn).
So… What can we do when our little friend's anxiety starts to get bigger? A few things!
Take a deep, deep breath. Imagine blowing a big bubble—deep breath and slow exhale with your mouth like an "oh."
Tell yourself (internally or externally), "If this happened, I would still be okay. I have survived everything else so far."
The thought can often be traced to" What if this goes wrong?" So ask yourself, "What if it goes right?" If that is hard to think about, the thought can be, "What can I learn if this does go wrong?"
Step back and ask yourself, "If my best friend said this to me, what would I say to them?" Then, look in the mirror and tell yourself those words!
Splash cold water on your face. Hold an ice cube or cold towel. These things can help us remember the moment when we are in our heads!
Reach out to your friends and family! Identify people you can go to when you are having a hard time. It's okay to ask for the—- you matter.
Reach out to a therapist! Therapy is a great place to talk about the anxiety monster to another person who doesn't have a preconceived notion of you!
What are other things that you can do or have done when the anxiety monster is getting too big?
